You don’t want to be aggressive, and you certainly don’t want to be passive-aggressive in the workplace. You just want to assert yourself in an appropriate way and get what you need to do your job. If you’ve struggled with this, here are five tips that can help you assert yourself at work in a way that leaves no room for misinterpretation—both when requesting things from your colleagues and when taking on projects yourself.
Don’t sweat it
Don’t let people take advantage of you. Figure out who your true friends are, and who is just taking advantage of you and making your life more difficult. If there is someone who takes advantage of you, figure out a way to confront them without being afraid that they’ll get angry with you and fire you. Sometimes people are just trying to help you and it’s possible that they don’t realize that they’re doing anything wrong. But if it really is someone trying to get something out of using you for their own needs, then hopefully this will give them a chance to change their ways. Just don’t sweat it. You’ll find a way to deal with it, and you’ll feel better once
Do your research
Assertiveness has been shown to correlate with higher self-esteem, better mental health, and lower stress. Unfortunately, most of us are taught from an early age that we should be nice and accommodating at all times. For those who do overcome that fear, there are still plenty of other barriers standing in our way. Take it from someone who’s been there – the benefits are worth it!
Doing your research is one of the best ways to figure out how you can achieve success by being more assertive. When approaching a task or goal, think about what you need to do and make sure you’re prepared before talking to anyone about it. How much work have you put into figuring out what your goals are? How much time did you spend preparing for a meeting? Think back on some recent experiences where you had trouble getting things done because you weren’t assertive enough. What would have happened if instead of giving up or waiting around for something to happen, you approached it proactively?
Know what you want
Often, women are too nice, which means they don’t know what they want and when they do, they wait for someone else to give it to them. When you’re making a request of someone (e.g., boss, partner), be clear about your intentions. If you need something or want something done, be confident and demand it! For example, say I am asking you not to talk over me, instead of Could you please stop talking over me? Be direct. You can also explicitly ask for what you want: If I work overtime today will I get paid time-and-a-half? That way there is no doubt about whether or not you’re asking for money.
A great tip for being more assertive is to focus on yourself and your needs, not those of others. Consider what you are feeling, what you want to achieve and how you feel about things as well as anyone else who might be involved in a situation. We may feel that if we make a strong statement about what we need, people will resent us or think less of us. But really it’s all about consideration: How would someone else feel? What are they likely thinking? Could they benefit from your concern? To get over some of these fears, just ask yourself: Is my intent good? If yes, then say it!
Set a meeting
Setting a meeting is a great way to ensure that you have time with your boss. You can schedule your meeting with their assistant and make sure it is put on their calendar. If they don’t show up, you will know that they are probably too busy or uninterested in what you have to say. If they do show up, then this is an opportunity for you to really get your thoughts across and gain some understanding of what your boss wants from you. They may be willing to give you more responsibilities, or they might not think that there is anything else they can offer. Either way, at least you got your voice heard, and let them know how you feel.
When asking for something, remember you’re worth it.
No matter how little we deserve it, we are worth everything and anything that comes our way. It is all up to us what steps we take, where we go, and who we choose to help us get there. But remember that you have a voice too and be assertive enough for you not just for them. With time, self-confidence grows naturally, and with that confidence comes strength which is needed when it’s time to ask for more than what you’re given. The first step is acknowledging your power as well as understanding that there are so many opportunities at your feet every day so don’t be afraid to go get them.